a yearly thing..
I don't even know why i still blog. A yearly ritual i suppose. Why do people still blog now when there is facebook, twitter and instagram?
Well, why do i feel the need to do this?
(no one read this anyway, unless i actually turn it into something more useful, educational than just the story of my life, which really, who cares?)
Just a reflection, which happened after i found old photos buried in some old back up disk. And i am so terrible at organizing my stuff. that folder names really do not mean anything. For example, Folder named "Friends" and in there, i found scuba diving trips, and family photos. Its actually amazing that I am trying to be a scientist. Who am i kidding?
I have had a good life. I hope for more good years to come. I have been to many places, seen and experience many different things. I have gone to the Himalayas, i have scuba dived and seen amazing creatures underwater. I am living in a different country from where I grew up. I have met many nice and cool people. I have an awesome kid. I met a really nice guy (ok i met some not so nice ones too). I am pretty happy.
Geez. i sound like i am 70!
I use to love movies that were "deep". Thought provoking. No way will i watch a stupid comedy.
And somehow, my preferences have evolved over the years. Now, all i want to do is watch simple movies. movies with predictable and feel good endings. Often referred to as chick flicks, romantic comedies. Just today, out of the blue, I thought of Bruce Springsteen's Secret Garden. Part of the soundtrack in Jerry Maguire. I realized that I really like Jerry Maguire. First, i had a largest crush on Tom Cruise when i was in high school
"I love him for the man he wants to be, and i love him for the man that he almost is."
Second, Renee Zellweger gave a superb performance. I love her.
"Come on Jerry, you know this isn't easy for me"
"i am not getting you get rid of me... you, complete me"
"you had me at Hello"
I don't even know why i am going on about movies. Its 7.41pm on a thursday evening. I have an anesthetized maggot on the microscope. 500ms exposure, 488 laser, capture 500 time points at maximum speed. Sensitivity set to 200. Laser power variable. Genotype: dicer;; D42>ANF::GFP/+ vs dicer;; D42>ANF::GFP/UAS,Luciferase RNAi Tripp.
Question: Does the ratio of Gal4 to UAS matter in imaging ANF transport?
Why am i asking this question?
Argh, i dont even want to talk about it now.
So, on to the other more exciting project. My holy grail that could tie up Autophagy, longevity, disease, mitochondria defects etc etc etc...
a getaway
What i really want right now, is break. From my life. I want to go on a vacation without the dependent kid and husband. I want to sit at the beach, nice book, beer. Nothing to do, no plans to follow. Just basic human needs... hungry? There is good food just around the corner. Thirsty? Beer or juice awaits. Tired? Hotel is just a short walk away.
Hello once again
So, actually, i tried writing something last year... but i think perhaps the baby woke up or something, because i never finished it...
___________________________________
It has been 2 years of silence. My life has taken a dramatic turn to the point that sometimes, i don't know if its real anymore. Sometimes, i miss my the past. Old derelict days of living by my schedule, or not. I miss the having coffee and cake while reading a nice novel in the warm summer afternoons. I miss the guitar. My awful strumming any time i feel like it. I miss being alone. I miss having personal space. I miss those days of minimal responsibilities, when i don't have to fret for anyone. Those days are so over.
I had a baby. that is what happened. Its of course a cause for joy, and at the same time, i also mourn for everything else i gave up for this little bundle of crazy tender love. Before the baby, i could not, for the love of god, imagine why anyone would want to have kids! Surprise surprise! now that i am a mom, i could not imagine why anyone would NOT want to have kids. Sure, having
Resurrection!
yes, after 3 years. Jesus rose from the dead on the 3rd day. This blog is back! Its not like i have a group of followers like Jesus. No one reads this blog. Anonymous? Since this is link to my gmail account. i guess perhaps not.
Today, its something to about FINE PRINT, its about Terms and Conditions. Its about being charged for a service i never use. But the very act of being lured into a free trial puts you in danger of being charged. Its not really "free". Damn those baits! Sometimes, i am good at it. I put a note in my iCal so that i will remember to cancel those trials. But sometimes, i trust myself too much. Why are these trials 1 month or more? Probably because you won't remember by the next month what you signed up for.
Another thing -- Amazon Prime. Yeah, 6 months trial is too good to be true (it use to be 1 year free btw). And then i got charged. But i don't mind that because i have been using Amazon Prime and i guess i can pay and use it. its ok. But STAMPS.COM! really. why did i signed up for that? I needed stamps. Desperation leads to stupidity i suppose. And... the rest, i don't want to talk about it.
3 years to update. what have i been up to? I need to do a montage of my last 3 years. Succinctly summed up as -- Parenthood. And then there was the Marriage part, which till now, my firm advise is, try to avoid it as much as possible. Partnership is just as good without the paperwork. There is no incentive to being married, you do get some tax cuts when you file together. But really, do some soul searching -- is the amount of money saved really worth selling your soul to the devil, aka Archaic institute of life long imprisonment?
I mean, you know, maybe its not that bad if you had a wedding and scored some really great gifts. Stuff that you will never really buy such as the expensive set of bedding from Macy's ( which you can probably find at Marshalls or Ross). Or other knick knacks for home decoration, but if you don't own a place, you are better off putting those stuff on ebay.
I prefer the good practical asian practice of just giving money. Yes, give the newly weds money and let
them decide what they want to do with it. Honeymoon, a new home, college fund for future baby. whatever. Just not another Kitchenaid.
M's family are really good about sending presents for birthdays and christmas. But really, as much as i appreciate the kind gesture, we don't see so much of each other, or know each other so well to get the most thoughtful gifts. I think gifting is a hard thing to do. I hate it when people give some typical crap and the receiver goes, oh, what am i going to do with this? Its like M sends his brother that typical touristy t-shirts
every year until i stopped him. And in return, M gets the same stuff from his family which he never wears and they are in storage. Its just, too ugly to wear, but too expensive and too sentimental to just give away! Finally, after 5 years, M caved in and we brought them in to the Salvation Army.
Unfortunately, parenthood and marriage have not changed me very much. I am still the same bitter personality. I still can't stand happy people. They are just so darn irritating. But ok, when it comes to babies, they are cute. My kid is the best, totally awesome. But he does not change the facts of life. In fact, he makes it more real.
Still on the Phd path. But as with every other student at the end of the 5th year, you get jaded. With the current economy, we don't have the luxury to put all that money into science and research. And with the number of Phd students getting channeled into post-docs who then find themselves over-qualified and jobless, its a sad predicament. I am envious of my classmates who are still staunch on this path. But for me, its a different ball game when I have to be employed to ensure my family gets healthcare (this is however only a major concern in the US, if we were to move back to Singapore or to Europe, i don't think it will be the #1 concern).
Really, all i want in life is to have money and the time and health to enjoy it. All i want is to buy a couple of nice purses, shoes and cute dresses. van cleef &arpels, tiffany
The rise of the phoenix, the dark and material phoenix.
internet...
I just moved in to a new place over the weekend, no internet or cable set up which is killing me. I get restless. I wanted music but hey Pandora will not work without internet access. I wanted to get some homework done but wait a minute, my bioinformatics assignment requires me to be online. I admit that having tv is a source of distraction, but not having internet is like a double edged sword. It seems like i can't get anything done.
I should just stop whining, go home and unpack. Its amazing how much one can accumulate in merely 2 years. Someone suggested that i get rid of some of my clothes and i thought, no way!
food rants
Its so true our love for food, typically local food is what makes us Singaporeans. Or at least me, a singaporean. Having been away from home for over a year, what I miss the most is laksa, char kway teow, nasi lemak, and the list goes on. Of course I miss the usual family and friends and the comfort of being home (rarely the climate) but these people are simply a phone call or email away. Its the FOOD, that i have no way of getting around! I will scour the internet for recipes or just description of singapore cuisine but nothing can satiate the cravings i have for something like Otak. There are a couple of dishes that I can make, the simple stuff such as soy sauce chicken but there is no way i can master laksa paste, or make satay the way it is back home (Thai restaurants here have their own version of satay which pales in comparison...). Thankfully, with the advent of food preservatives and vacuum packs, I've friends (actually only 1) who sends me the occasional care package of an assortment of pastes. So today, i managed to satisfy my laksa craving. And geez, this particular brand is spicy -- i think its better that Prima's. I don't think i've have had anything this spicy and tasty in such a long time. My version of laksa is made up of sotong balls (to replace fish cake), mix of frozen scallops, prawn and calamari, and sliced tau pok (this is the most important ingredient to me). I wished i had "hums" too. I've not come across "cu mee fen" here so i thought i will settle for "bee hoon" which unfortunately, turned out to be "tung hoon" (yeah i can't tell these 2 apart and the names they have there are just different -- ie mung bean noodles, bean thread noodles are actually both the same as i have just found out). Since i didn't fancy tung hoon in my laksa, I wind up with "mee sua" instead. It was still good, and so spicy that my nose got all runny and my hands were shaking (ok, i know i am weak when it comes to the real spicy stuff). Though what possessed me to crave for this dish on one of the warmest Santa Cruz weekends, i don't know. Which makes me think that Singaporeans must love our food and the spice so much that we will eat all that in the sweltering heat! I certainly -- recalling those lunch hours at that Holland Village Nasi Lemak/Katong Lakso stall, where we were practically sitting in the sun except for a wimpy red umbrella for shade...I am looking for the day where there is an instant pack for char kway teow, hokkien mee, chai tao kway which can capture the "wok hei"I am also thinking that I may be able to make nasi lemak but i fall short of the chilli and otak *sighs* I found ikan bilis at the asian market. its not the ones used in typical nasi lemak, its a chilli ikan bilis snack from thailand but that should suffice.Its hard describing these food to americans. There is nothing like that here. The american version of chinese food is fried, greasy and too salted. I feel sickened if i have too much of it. And fortune cookies!!! Where did that come from? At least here in santa cruz, i do know of 1 chinese restuarant that deviates slightly from the usual greasy fare. Imagine how pleased I was to find "Niang Dou Fu" which is steamed soft "dou fu" topped with minced pork and shrimp. And "dou miao" stir fried in oyster sauce and garlic. Simple but yummy dishes. But I think thats as far as it goes. Most of the items on the menu still succumbs to the typical misguided american taste. I recommeded this restaurant to a friend (american) who didn't like it... i guess thats why most places here still do all the fried stuff.I will admit that singapore's char kway teow isn't the healthiest stuff around, but its worth the cholesterol for that! hahaha... I always think that if i have to eat supposedly unhealthy food, it has to be worth it. If i were to have ice cream, it better be good ice cream, chocolate -- good chocolate, cakes -- good cakes etc u get the idea.Guess i should stop ranting on about food. To singaporeans out there living in singapore, easy access to all these hawker food... cheap food, i envy u. [Now i can understand how Jon lost weight in London and while on hols in singapore, drank up all his laksa gravy -- i would do the same now too!] Now All of a sudden, i am thinking of the food at Geylang, the 24 hr Dimsum, the "tian ji zhou" (frog legs!!), "you teow" and soy bean curd.. argh! The truth is, i can't even justify how and why i will gain weight here aside from the prevalent high fructose corn syrup and whatnots that stealthily creep into your seemingly healthy food such as yoghurt.I know the laksa on the right really doesn't look all the great. but seriously, i as long as it tastes as good, i am a happy person.[thanks to celeste who provided the paste.]
bored
Its ironic that in this age of internet connectivity, where almost all sort of information is within easy reach, I find myself prone to boredom. I miss those days when a book is all I need to stay preoccupied.
thoughts again
The best and worst in people materialise in hard times. And its disheartening to see the latter. I guess its a test of one's mettle, true colors show up, every facade disappears.
big sur marathon 2009
After i was done with the QUALS -- by that i really mean it in caps.... someone asked me if that was the hardest thing i've ever done. I don't know because after it was all over, it didn't feel like it was such a big deal. Granted that while waiting for my results, i was sitting outside the exam room utterly convinced that i failed and was wondering when i should reschedule my next exam... Thankfully, I passed.
Anyway back to the question, which someone (Bill) answered for me:
? : so do u think this is the toughest thing u have ever done?
me: (silence... i was seriously thinking about it)
Bill: Her upcoming marathon!
Proabably. Now that i have completed the marathon, i don't know the answer either. I had a chemistry teacher in junior collage who observed that students who did some sort of sports tend to perservere as much in their studies. This is slightly against the notion of pale-faced geeks cramming books under the fluorescent lamp. Personally, I can draw analogies from running and apply it to everyday life. A marathon, while mentally inconceivable, can be done. Because once you start, there is no way you can simply give up. The wall you hit on the 17th mile, makes me wonder why did i ever sign up for this tortuous event. At some point, you are physically numb and mentally blocked. But you plod on because thats the only way to reach the end...
The finish line at the end is probably the best sight ever. Its like seeing water after thirsting for days in the desert! The final dash for the oasis. ok i am totally exaggerating... but that was how it felt like.
I think we always make things out to be harder than they really are. Because when we look back, it always doesn't seem like such a big deal after all.
