Mornings
I go to work every morning, earphones in place, head buried in a book.
Totally antisocial.
Sometimes, i try to avoid bumming into any colleague cos making morning conversations are way too bothersome.
I notice that many people behave like me too!
Jon: Half an hour, Angie. : Half an hour of what?Jon: For half an hour, u could actually hold a decent conversation!What is wrong with talking about sex and musings on human nature?
Talking about mornings, I should go to bed soon. Another work week as passed.
Can you believe that?
_____________________"Tomorrow and tommorrow and tomorrowCreeps in this petty pace from day to dayTo the last syllable of recorded time;And all our yesterdays have lighted foolsThe way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,And then is heard no more: it is a taleTold by an idiot, full of sound and fury,Signifying nothing."
Camomile
2 nights ago, I felt like having a nice warm cup of camomile herbal infusion.
After I drank it, I immediately fell asleep (living room sofa). I was feeling very tired, my limbs refused to move, simply put, I felt as if I'd just downed 10 tequila shots or something!
Morning came, my alarm rang. I woke up feeling so tired, and with that, a splitting headache. It felt as though I was going through a rotten hangover.
Somehow, I managed to crawl out of bed, and got to work (kinda late). Armed with a cup of coffee, I was assured that I would be able to get through the day. Oh boy was I so wrong. About 3 hours later, my headache got worse, I felt nauseus and extremely sleepy, wouldn't stop yawning.
Dr: So whats wrong with you?: Well, actually I am not sick, just having a really bad headache after drinking camomile.(i felt really stupid saying that..)Dr: Thats strange, camomile is suppose to have relaxing properties..(peers at me, she must be thinking I was just trying to get 1/2 the day off...)Anyway she took my temperature and blood pressure and gave me mc.
Some people are allergic to camomile. These are the same people who are allergic to the ragweed family of plants including daisy.
I think I am just particularly sensitive to the effects of camomile. Lipton camomile infusion.
: I am not feeling well.WL: What's wrong with you?: dizzy and and nauseus...WL: Pregnant?: (F* off!)Labels: food
Currently Obsessing...
" When a man wants to seduce a woman, he does not send her a copy of his bank statement, but a pearl necklace. He does not send her his doctor's report, but lets slip that he runs ten miles a week and never gets colds. He does not tell her what degree he got, but he dazzles her with wit. He does not display testaments to how thoughtful he is, but he sends her a bunch of red roses on her birthday. Each gesture has a message:
I'm rich, I'm fit, I'm clever, I'm nice. "
Funeral
I've been thinking for a while, how I want my funeral to be like...
Some time in my life, before I get too old and haggard and lose my figure, I would like to have professionally taken nude pictures of myself.
Such that when I die, these pictures (in monotone) will be displayed at my wake.
Accompanied by slow jazz music.
Best if its live.
Random Crumbs...
: What happens when 2 people are totally compatible but the timing is just not right?Jon: Angie, you are screwed.Was sitting at the East Coast breakwater, enjoying the breeze, gazing at the distant stars.Ken: I don't think the time is right for you to make up your mind regarding research. : I think I am in science for a philosophical reason more than anything else. I was want to know about things, find out about certain things. I don have the dying desire to find a cure for some sickness nor alleviate some form of suffering.Ken: There are different kinds of love. The one in which 2 people just fall in love with each other, which of course is the best, and the kind where one tries to change himself for the other.: I think the latter one won't work out. It gets too tiring to change. And you are not being true to yourself.Ken: But if you are changing for the better, why not?
Vegetable
I don't want to be a vegetable.Why not?I don't know which one to be.~~~~~
My brain's gone mad. Last night, I dreamt of LTP, learning and memory and synaptic plasticity.
What kind of normal person dreams of such thing?
Recall that 3 years ago, I woke up muttering "Neuro-muscular junction"
~~~~~
Freedom has its scentLike the top of a new born baby's headLabels: food
Bits from the week
Sometimes, I get the feeling that everything in life is a cycle. Perhaps a vicious one. And sometimes, certain things just keep happening no matter how you try to avoid it.
:Is it really worth it to give up on what I have now, and go for my dreams?Is it worth it? John: I wonder too. Why do we choose the hard way?: I don't know.John: I don't see you settling down yet.: Really? Why?He knew me better than I did myself.
: Do u like what you doing?Jk: Yes.: Do you have a life?Jk: No I don't. But now that you have more time, what do you do?: I have more time for myself.I must have been kidding myself. The luxury to sleep healthy hours, eat proper meals, and to stone in front of the TV... I feel like I am turning into a vegetable.
What should I do with my life? What do I want out of it?
Maybe I should be asking, what does Life want out of me.
~~~~~
Agatha: My sister is a very religious person. She wanted to be a nun.: When I was a kid, I'll pray to God to never call me.I have a friend who use to pray before her test, something like "God, please help me pass this test. I'll be a nun!"I'll never say something like that! For a test! Anyway, she failed it.
~~~~~
I was listening to Bon Jovi on my way home.
And I realised something.
"All I've got to give to you,
are these five words...
Thank you for loving me..."
"I'll be there for you,
These five words I swear to you..."
What's it with
five?
I think my miserly 128Mb MP3 player is not enough.
I seriously need an ipod.
Maybe, I should have gotten the ipod U2 at Comex.
next year?
I should listen to happier songs. Jon was right. Coldplay is way too sad, depressing.
Word
Crouton is the word.
Not cuvette, not courgette!
DeAppetite
Recently, I been losing my appetite. I have no idea why. Its really sad that food is losing its appeal. I use to be so proud of my hearty appetite! Remember those times, in my teens when I could just go on eating. Being able to eat is a joy! Of course, and not gaining weight too.
When I was 16, we went on a geography field trip to Trenggannu. We stayed in this 5-star hotel, with a wonderful buffet spread for every meal. And boy, did we eat. We cleared our plates so quickly that we needed more than 1 waiter for our table. I distinctly remember how good the prata station was, the lagsane etc etc... Yutian noticed that the watermelon slices got thinner with every meal! Point is, I could eat and I enjoyed it.
In that same year, I was preparing for the Age-group competition. Being underweight was, I felt I was at a disadvantage. So in the weeks nearing the competition, I stuffed myself like every night. I cleared all the food at the dinner table. Top it up with 3 bowls of rice. That was crazy but sadly I gained only 2 kg and lost it all after the competition. Oh well, I lost anyway.
The past few weeks was wierd. I don't feel like having lunch. I don't feel like eating. I am rarely ravenous. And what is worse is that I can't finish my food! Geez, I hate wasting. Do you think I am sick or something?
___________________
me: Look! I've got a bruise!
Bernard: You seem to get new bruises all the time...
Ken: What will you do if someone pinches your butt in the MRT?
me: It depends... how does he look like?
___________________
Yes, my latest bruise addition. While running for the bus I rammed my elbow right into a wall. It sure hurts! Its a really small bruise but the pain is crazy.
I bruise easily. Even kneeling on a hard surface can give me bruises.
I feel so empty and scared lately that I think I need religion in my life!
And all my friends seem to have stopped using ICQ
Labels: food
Friendster
I don't really use Friendster. Its way too slow. They really ought to do something about it! I mean when they are connecting people like this, there's definitely something exponential about it though I am not that much of a computer geek to delve into the details.
Back to Friendster. I am feeling rather on the downside today. Sometimes, I feel like I am surrounded by many people who I call friends, but how many of them are truly those who you can call out when you feel like crap? Just today, I can't think of anyone to call. Not even one. That was devastating. If Jon was around, it would be him. Always. But since he is around only like twice a year, I usually feel quite alone. To think that Charmaine will be gone too.
I think reading my testimonials makes a good mood lifter. I can so totally bask in some kind of self adoration! I noticed that everyone thinks I am a talkative person. But seriously, I don't think I am. Its really tiring to be talking all the time, its tiring to be a one-person show, its simply too draining. I guess I can't figure myself out. There are times when I really like hanging out but there are also many instances when I like being alone. I still like to run and swim alone. I was actually rather disappointed to find out that I can't dive alone. I like to travel alone too. Does that make me a loner?
I was moody today. I just wanted to whine. But sometimes, asking one out will be too tiring. I will need to perk myself up to entertain the other person. Nah.. I'll give that a miss.
I took the MBTI test at least twice. And both times, I was said to be an ENTP -- Extrovert, iNtuitive, Thinking, Perceptual. I remember that my Extrovert vs introvert scores were very close. My Thinking vs Feeling disparity was the greatest. Apparently I barely feel.
To Focus
I met this guy recently, and i noticed that whenever I speak with him, I can't look him in the eye. I look all over his face and don't know what to focus on! I think that when I speak to someone, there is always a feature which I will look at. For example, there's this gal with really nice complexion and I always wind up staring at her smooth patch of forehead. This way of looking at someone can be rather frustrating. Its distracting... just today, I was talking to the engineer while noticing, that his eyebrows actually meet! When I speak to Boon, I always focus on this mole just under his left eye. Charmaine, mouth -- till recently after she has done lasik, I shifted to her eyes. They have such a smoky quality to them!
Anyway, back to that guy. I have no idea what to look at. His eyes are usually obscured behind his glasses and basically, there isn't anything else which allows me to focus on. Maybe his mouth? i just noticed that they are rather thick... I think I am just being ridiculous!
By the way... I have been thinking...
If you treat life like a joke,
Life makes a joke out of you
Stuff written, pictures taken
My laptop, which has faithfully served me during my entire undergraduate days, gave up in the 5th year. It was overwhelmed with too many adware and undescribable junk which slowed it down tremendously. It was time to reformat my hard disk, remove the linux partition I haven't need for and start all over. And of course, for once, I had to do something called "back up". It was a painstaking process made worse by the fact that I don't have a CD burner. I transfered everything to SPS and used the burner there. That took months. For less than 2G of data. Surprisingly, that a few years of my life is nicely summed up under 2G.
After the reformatting was done, the installation, the patching up (Damn it!) i started transferring my data to my laptop. It tore at my heart really, to discover that so many of my saved data was corrupted. It was a "Cyclic redundancy error". I was devastated that ALL my Yosemite pictures were gone. SOme of my favourite New York pictures too. It doesn't just
stop there. A few months ago, I was looking through the compiled Sabah pictures when I realised that not all of my pictures were in there. That devastated me too.
Things we write. I was just looking through all the papers I have ever written in my 4 years in NUS. I think its quite a bit. But as i looked at those I had saved, it dawned on me that i somehow didn't save my final piece, but rather the draft. How annoying. BUt still it beats "cyclic redundancy error"
Is it so important that we keep all of these? They felt like so a part of me.
Really.
Did you know...
Did you know... that the word "testify" comes from the custom of men in ancient Roman courts where they swear to a statement by placing their hands over their testicles??
=> So, women can't testify? Note that in some islamic countries, women also can't testify.
Did you know... the chickens we eat are mostly hens? Apparently, rooster meat is less tender.
=> So, is there breast meat from rooster? I mean I have never thought if the chicken I am eating is male or female. I figured its female cos we always get breast meat instead of um.. chest meat.
!!!
Someone actually reads me blog!!!!!!!
Mooncakes and dreams
I like the color of yam. Its this light lavender-purple shade which gives it such a fairy like effect. But I never liked the taste of it till... I just had the yummiest mooncake ever! The yam mooncake from Crown hotel!! The skin is a flaky crust. Totally delicious! It converted a yam-hater! haha!
_____________________________
:How're your colleagues?
Cel: Well, I get along with them, but secretly, I hate all of them.
I love that woman!
_____________________________
Last week, I read something in the papers - a letter from a lady preaching the virtues of polygamy. She believes that if a husband could have a few wives, he will be less likely to stray. I can't believe that the papers can publish things like
that! I beg to differ. In fact, I think the guy might be so stressed that he could either 1) Turn to the
other side (homosexuality) or 2) Still have an extramarital affair.
I once, very long ago, read some IQ question which went something like this:
If there are 3 sexes on a planet...
I can't remember the rest of it.
I think I suck when it comes of narratives. I can't write about events. Or what I did. When I do, they just sound awful. Similarly, I can't tell a story. People get bored, I get tired before I am done. I give up even before I reach the climax of the story. I used to write better. Now, everything is about a statement with supporting facts/experiments. Or simply directives in protocols!
About
Mainz:
We met up during the weekend for coffee. It has been years(?) since we last had a conversation like that. It was a dreamy conversation. We talked about nothing in particular. I didn't know what we were talking about but it simply flowed. I am so happy for her -- that she is realising her dream. Sometimes, realising a dream may not be as wonderful as it seemed at first, but at least its something. I'd rather have something than nothing.
I should however, never settle for something less.
Ken once told me that if I really wanted to do something, I should not have a back up plan. Its only in such situations, when you have nothing to fall back on, when you go all out to fulfill your desires. I had so far, always thought I will go into reasearch, get my Phd and such. I never had a back up plan.
I have compiled a list of graduate schools. I am still looking.
Labels: food
Chess, travels and such
I was tinkering with MiniMac last night. Trying to play some video files anyway, but that didn't happen. Somehow, I ended up playing Chess. I use to play quite a bit of chess in my teens. Think I was well, not that good, but slightly above average. I have however, lost touch over the years.
The past few times when I played, I lost miserably.
Yesterday, was ME vs Computer.
I spent hours playing. Up to 5 games, but sadly, I lost each time.
You might say that its very difficult to win the computer, but I've done it before. Although only once, but hey, I believe its still possible!!
____________________
To be confused about being confused. It happens. I have been through that before. Its just this uneasy feeling, this restlessness which overtakes you. Nothing feels right and yet you just can't place your finger on it. And sometimes, you wonder if its all just a figment of your imagination or perhaps, some attempt to draw your attention to your inner self.
Travelling is good. I love the feeling of anoynomity which follows. No one knows who you are, there are no expectations and no preconceived notions of what you could do.
You make friends. But these are just passing friends. Sometimes the friendship can be quite deep so I am reluctant to call them acquaintance. During the stay in the hostel or travel, these friends are your buddies. THey look after you, watch out for you. Some time later, we go our own ways and somehow, the "keep in touch" thing never stays
__________________________
I awoke this morning feeling thin. What kind of feeling is that??!!
Irony
My whole life, as of now, has been an irony.
I avoided molecular work as an undergraduate, only to spend an entire year on it for my final year project. I resolved to move on, out of it only to wind up in a job all about cloning.
Bite the hand that feeds me.
travelingarmchair
Mainz: I'm confused.
: About?
Mainz: I don't know
:You are confused about being confused?
That happens.
Youth
Someone, I think it was Mark Twain, once said that the youth is wasted on the young. Just recently, the realisation that I might be be 'young' anymore hit me suddenly. Suddenly, I wanted to get involve in a flurry of activity. I went ice-skating, I played tennis and I am making plans to rock climb. I have also started ballet a few months ago.
Suddenly, time flies by and I feel like I am losing grip on it.
Shakers!
I can never stand sitting next to someone who is constantly shaking his/her leg. Its such a pain. 6 years ago, during a test held in a lecture theatre, this girl was doing just that. The entire row of chairs vibrated along with her! Today, I was attending a talk. Next to me was a ... yeah, Shaker! He was such a pain.
Seriously, I don't care if u have that habit. Just make sure that I don't feel it!
Thinga I want to Do
Before I procrastinate or forget, let me blog it.
* Tennis
I've always wanted to be able to play tennis. Ever since I started at the tender age of 8, pickig balls for my brother! Then when I was 13 a few friends and I will just fool around in the tennis court, playin or rather trying to play tennis. When I was 18, my school made it copulsory for us to learn tennis. I fell very sick in the middle of the lessons and thereafter, was exempt from physical activity for a long time. Now, I am 24... maybe I should start...
I think its nice to have something to hit and vent whatever frustration on that act. May it be of hormonal or social origine.
* Driving
This is something I have always been procrastinating. SOme kids have it lucky, parents pay the driving lessons for them. I don't have that privilege.. so I have always been putting aside whatever money I have for anything but driving lessons. I'd rather go to Nepal than learn driving... I'd rather use it for Italy... for scuba diving.. the list goes on. But I do want to learn how to drive. Not because I think I will ever buy a car here, but rather, I thnk it'll be fun and maybe, my sis will lend me her car...
* Terry Fox
I want to do the run this year...
* Movies
THat Tim Burton's and the one about penguins
* Quidam
Do you think I can afford Quidam?
How we remember
It has been shown that memory is highly associative. When we memorize something, we do not merely remember it exactly the way it was presented but rather, we make an abstraction of it, we associate it.
This is also how I recalled "The Fountainhead" as "The Showerhead".
J wasn't exactly pleased with "The showerhead"!
Watched the season finale of NIP/TUCK last night. The Gender Reassignement part was extremely interesting. I mean, are we really able to perform sex change operations to such an extent?
Labels: geek
