reason to live
: what is it that keeps you alive? What keeps u going? What makes u want to wake up in the morning?B: My happy house bedsheet: oh yea.. and your happy cup of sea creatures! but seriously, wat is it?B: You don't need a reason to stay alive. You usually need a reason to kill yourself.I think i need a reason to wake up in the morning. i need a reason to stay alive. Its really tiring sometimes -- staying alive and especially waking up. I have reasons for being alive, and not giving up. There are so many things I have yet to do. That aside, the world can be beautiful if only you will stop to look at it. Sometimes on my way home, the glow of the setting sun cast across the sky makes my heart skip a beat. The feeling of being out at sea, endless sea and gorgeous blue sky, warm sun shine, sea breeze in your face and the occasional splash of the sea spray -- thats a wonderful feeling. Despite east coast park being an entire man-made beach, its quite lovely to just sit and enjoy the breeze and hear the splashing waves, smell the salt laden air. Star speckled night sky is breathtakingly beautiful, makes one feel so small and insignificant but totally in awe of these sparkling gems.Guess I'm a sucker for stuff like these.
paranoid
I'm clearing leave.
So no work no work no work.
I'm feeling paranoid.
I need to think positive.
Maybe I should think less.Happier color...
Bread
I really like the bread
here!
I'm a bread person. Love sandwiches and pastries and such. Anything in a bakery ( a good one) is delicious to me. Maybe, Man can live on bread alone!
___________________________________
: Clarice, what do u want to be when you grow up?
c: I want to be a baker
: (highly amused) Why?
c: Because I like to eat bread and cookies.
: why don't u just marry a baker???
c: (pretends she didn't hear me)
Thats my niece. She's cute and extremely fickle. Now she wants to be a doctor and insists on carrying her first aid kit around!
Labels: food
happy birthday!
Happy Birthday to myself!
Birthdays -- everybody has one. It isn't that big a deal. Why celebrate aging? Maybe a long time ago when mortality rates were higher, and living beyond 30 is rare, growing a year older is a cause for celebration. But these days, we realise that with longer life span comes greater risk of diseases and cancers, appearances of wrinkles and sagging skin, maybe, birthdays shouldn't be such happy occasions any more.
With age come wisdom. Someone said. Maybe, or maybe not. I'd rather say that with age, we become wiser.
Birthdays have never been a big thing for me. My family stopped the birthday cake and party thing many many years ago (which could of course account for my nonchalence abt it). In fact, the last time I had a cake with candles to blow was like 5 years ago when some nice guy i met in Nepal decided to order a cake for me me and since he couldn't find birthday candles, they were substituted with the big white ones. haha
I am a spontaneous person. Its something i appreciate and somehow it injects a certain amount of fun in my life when not everything is planned out. When not everything is expected. But of course there are those people who need plans and schedules else they freak out. Most of my friends are sort of like me -- thank goodness!
Yesterday was a good one. I spent most of my afternoon surfing and reading a couple forums and came across one on brazilian waxing. Thats something I have thought about doing for 3 years but always managed to put it off. Pain at a cost. But hey, its like the kind of pain that we should at least experience once in our life.
CY: Why do u want to pay to suffer?: Err.. childbirth is very painful too, why do u want to do that?Doesn't seem to make much sense now -- the above statement.
After work yesterday, I just went for it. Somehow, as I was on my back, skirt lifted up, and legs in "
retire".. it all felt very surreal. Maybe that was why the first rip didn't really hurt that much. I mean, it happened so fast that i didn't react! It was ok. She was good at it. No scream, no tears --
I'm proud of myself!! And for the first time in over 10 years, I got to see my vagina in unobstructed view!!
Happiness is best when its shared. I was very happy with the waxing, i was grinning so much after that... I was proud of it yet I couldn't go around showing it to my friends right? That sort of takes away the joy a little.. (
was asking some of my colleagues - female, if they were interested in appreciating it. hahaha no one took up the offer!) I sound kinda sick sometimes huh?
The truth behind...
there was something I wanted to write about. But somehow it totally slipped my mind. Instead, here's something i found...
"The truth behind sex between "Friends"AFTER RELATIONSHIP F BUDDY This is pretty much the most common of the four. It starts out in the following manner. Girl starts dating a guy. Girl finds out that guy is not suitable for her. Girl breaks up with a guy. Girl continues to sleep with the guy after breaking up. And why not? After all, they were having great sex while they dated, why not run straight to the each other when they feel the lust? There is surely nothing to lose, or is there? SEX AS MEANS TO AN END The second variant of the F buddy occurs when the woman uses sex as means to an end. The woman fancies this guy and seduces him with casual sex hoping to ensnare him into a serious relationship. It is kind of like using sex as a bargaining chip or bait. She hopes to win the love of the man she is sleeping with, risking her chastity for that chance of a happy marriage – slim chance. The thing that she doesn’t realize is, while he is happily sleeping with her and accepting her sexual favours, there tends to be a lost of respect from her partner. The woman gets disappointed most of the time. I am not quite sure if men too perform such intricate manoeuvres, but to date, I have not heard of it. INCONSEQUENTIAL SEX Sometimes you meet someone and you know for sure the person will not make much of a difference in your life, but the person is quite good looking and you decide to make a pass for the fun of it. This eventually results in sex and you both decide to stay in touch – thus creating casual sex ‘ad infinitum’. Most of the time, you wouldn’t know much about the other person, perhaps you wouldn’t care to anyway. By not knowing the person, you create that lamination and the person cease to exist as a person but an object of pleasure. How could anyone be so sure that this person will not make difference to their life and classify them as F buddy material? Perhaps they already have a partner who is currently studying or working overseas, so they are not really looking for another. THE AMNESIA/ACCIDENT A sub-variant of the F buddy, it does not quite make it into the list. What generally happens is that this person goes on a holiday or major booze out and ended up sleeps with a friend. Most of the time, one or both parties fake amnesia the morning after and pretended it never happened. Other times, they shrug and pass it off as a freak accident, blaming it on work duress or intoxication. These ‘one off’ attempts at casual sex do not fall under the category of the F buddy, but I do appreciate the efforts of the many people kind enough to relate to me their encounters. INITIATING SEX If you are hoping that there by reading on you will discover some way to find that elusive F buddy, you will be sorely disappointed. There is no secret formula to finding the F buddy. When two people who are physically attracted to one another and given the right opportunity, if it happens, it happens. Once one has found an F buddy, how does the person initiate subsequent sex with the person? It could be as simple as inviting the buddy over for dinner or drinks. Some people would play out the farce of going out for dinner and movie as though they were involved in a relationship, and then have sex thereafter. In extreme deprivation, you might just find someone knocking at your door proclaiming to be horny. One way or the other, the ultimate aim is to create that opportunity to be alone and carry out the act of sexual gratification. "~~~~"but I do suspect that I may never fall in love. I think for me it is not important at all. I have the belief that the only love that we truly need is the same kind that we have for our family, our closest friends and our pets. Love is universal to me. Not the kind that fuels jealousy and possesiveness. I think falling in love is at best good as an icebreaker and an opening ceremony to begin a journey in true friendship and love. I am no god and I too can feel jealousy and pettiness but I remind myself very frequently to be above such emotions."-- just something i found, posted by someone who goes by the nick Benedium
traveling armchair said...
traveling armchair: "was told that stellas have too much chemicals in them and they make you violent. nicknamed 'wifebeater' so if you have a violent streak in you.. you know whats causing them.... "
proposal...
H: hey, so do u wanna be my fuck buddy?: what? err no.I think I am not f*buddy material!
Random stuff
Decision made! Going to Phuket!! yeah! Finally getting out of here.
I was initially thinking of either backpacking Cambodia/Vietnam, or lazing on some beach. Chose the latter cos I found a like-minded friend who's a self proclaimed beach bum.
I am kinda pissed though, with the arrangements... the agent told me that they ran out of standard rooms so I have to upgrade to a superior which of course costs more. But then when I tried doing the booking myself, online, they
have rooms! Arghh. this is one huge conspiracy to decimate my bank account.
Having read FATLAND, I am suddenly this total health conscious freak. To some extent, I have always been watchful what I eat. But
never did i know about high-fructose corn syrup, or that palm oil, as harmless as it sounds is the vegetable equivalent of pork fats (as described in the book).
Latest list of what-i-want:
1. ipod nano
Something which i have been yearning for long. But with the upcoming trip and excessive compulsive shopping behavior, the nano will have to wait.
2. DKNY -- the green apple perfume
Such a wonderful scent. Fresh, light, and green. The miniature bottle is so super cute.
3. Sunglasses! hopefully oakley
A conversation I had yesterday:
A: I think everyone needs a good pair of sunglasses. Its not so much for vanity but rather for its function. I don't want to be old and blind. She won me over.
I recall using raymond's oakley once and it was good.
Yes, everybody needs a good pair of sunglasses. I should invest in one too. Had this really cute sales person helping me yesterday. He was so cute, and so helpful, I almost bought a pair (and go into a huge deficit). Somehow, I am thankful that i use a debit card. If it was a
credit card, I think i might loose control. Thank mr cute boy, and i (sadly) left the shop. (without his name or number...)
Sugar low
Yesterday, I had dance practice in the evening. Left immediately after work, didn't have time for dinner -- this happens every week...
As usual, it was a really long session. After 2.5 hours, i started to feel dizzy, weak, and could not focus very well. It felt horrible.
I guess it must have been a sugar-low. It was awful!
Labels: food
Travel Bug!!
Currently experiencing the year end travel itch.
Shit! I really want to go someplace. But its really late to make bookings now. Flights are full, i don have the time to travel by land. So its like such an awful feeling to be stranded here. I miss being in a foreign place, i miss being lost, i miss the adventure of discovering new things, interesting little shops and of course, making quirky friends in a youth hostel.
Labels: travels
betterboyfriend
"Every day, you should do something nice for your girlfriend, because every day, the shittiness of life prevails."I like that. True that everyday, the shittiness of life prevails. All boyfriends should read the blog on how to be a betterboyfriendWell of course, galfrens shld behave sorta likewise...
My Weekend
"Today RNA interference (RNAi), is a technique in which exogenous, double-stranded RNAs (dsRNAs) that are complimentary to known mRNA's, are introduced into a cell to specifically destroy that particular mRNA, thereby diminishing or abolishing gene expression."Thats not particularly interesting to most people... I don't know why I am quoting it. Ok, maybe cos I find it interesting... BBQ on saturday -- I ate continuously for 3hours. The chicken wings were really good. Kenneth seems to like bbq-ing and was good at it. So really, all i did was to swat at flies and ate whatever was cooked. Friends who I have not seen for a year commented that I've lost weight -- all the better to justify why I was eating so much! hahaha
Sunday guilt trip. The thing about dance is that no matter how hard you try, there is only so little fats u can try to hide. In other words, u can't hide anything. Perhaps wearing dark colors will help. Pulling up more, straigtening your back will help. But thats all you can do. The intermediate class is tough. Not only must your technique be good, you have to be flexible too with that certain amount of control.
Developpe devant, a la seconde, derrire (
ok some speling mistakes..) and all this with turn out... phew, a lot of work methinks. Morning was intermediate, after was extra for the exams, more allegro... more prancing. Totally tiring. Having been sick for over a week, I haven't done any running and could feel sort of flabby everywhere. Maybe because it was the Standard Chartered marathon yesterday, maybe I was feeling bad for all the wings I'd eaten the day before -- whatever it was, i went for a run. Up mt faber, which is the norm, but instead of stopping at the usual place, I decided to do the route my brother does. From Mt Faber, down to harbour front, turn back to telok blangah hts before reaching home. It was a really long run. My right ankle kinda hurt a little after that. On second thoughts, it wasn't that long a run, just that its way more than my usual.Today, I couldn't get out of bed. My muscles were aching. Especially the
maximus gluteus region. I use to complain about that to a fren who remarked that its a good thing really, cos that means u are firming up your butt. Whats the point of firming up stuff if its not appreciated? I've been asking my colleagues if they want a feel of my butt's "firmess". hahaha.. so far only the sales gal took up the offer. Well maybe cos we are the customer and she has to patronise us anyway!
I am feeling significantly happier today despite my runny nose and slight cough. (Still not totally recovered.). Maybe its because of all that running yesterday, or maybe because I feel sufficiently preoccupied and exhausted from dance. I think its both. I like to feel this way. Masochistically speaking, I like being busy to the point of exhaustion.
We only live once.
A Florist
Boh just asked "What do you want to be when you grow up"
And have I told you, that I've recently thought its a great idea to open a flower shop?
Its one of those things to do when I feel like retiring. I think its great to look at happy flowers everyday. To sell happy flowers to people who want to spread happiness. (I've been asked about funeral wreaths... maybe i won't do those.)
Patrick thinks that a cafe with it will be great. I don't know. I'm just happy with the flowers part. But it will be kinda nice to sip coffee and read a book amidst happy flowers huh... and perhaps like after 8pm, anyone who buys coffee can get to pick a stalk home for free! Spread the joy. In fact, I will name the shop "happy flowers".
And oh.. btw, I don't know anything about flowers 'cept for the stuff they made us learned years ago... style, petal, and whatever.
off tangent
SOmeone should so stop me! I am going off tangent... I have decided to take up an art course at nafa. Following this train of thought... i am thinking of doing architecture!!
I won't say that I have lived life with regrets at not doing certain things. I just wished that I could do everything.
Sometimes I wish that I was some rich brat who could do everything according to my whims and fancies. Geez... i think i would have been very spoilt.
Sometime, it feels that life is too short. Are we given 2nd chances? Or do we have to struggle so hard just to have that other chance? The Me in the parallel universe is doing everything that I dreamt of doing.
Thats not enough.
And you know what? I think I might be a rather interesting architect! haha the biologist-turned architect who will design buildings to look like the internal achitecuture of your cell! The outer walls of the building will be a like some lipid bilayer. Those with access will just go through that layer.. while those without will have to go through the proteins-aka-gates. Of course there isn't much need for security check -- u have to fit the protein/gate's conformation in order to gain entry!
I am so crappy today. Bet charmain will freak at when i just wrote. hahaha!
This is the in-between-jobs-syndrome. You have handed in your letter of resignation. You have not left. You don't care enough to impress your superior any more. You still do your job. But no one dares give u more anyway.
I think its the coffe. Imagine the disappointment when I discovered that Spinelli's the one in NUS sci fac which i have frequented over the last 4 years, has raised their prices, those nice guy is no longer there. Instead, there were some boisterous ah-beng types. Geez.. not cute either. Things have change. I have to get use to that.
I need to be more obessessive about something. Dance isn't enough for the very simple reason that my home is not as big as a studio for me to prance around in. Damn! I am so restless, i need a life!
Argh, i miss being busy and having my mind constantly preoccupied.
Think i will go grab a copy of giselle later. I so need to work on dance expression!
Life goes on
One of the things I often tell myself is that life goes on. Whatever happens.
I think its also one of the phrases that I say to Jon pretty often and vice versa.
I guess when you say that, it feels as if you are pretty much stuck in whatever situation you have, but you try to make the best out of it cos
life goes on! Well it doesn't matter what you do, whether you are resigned to some self-pitying shit or whether you have the energy to fight back. It really doesn't matter. Cos whatever you do, life still goes on. Shit! I have no idea what I am going on about. Must be something in the lunch.
