39deg
You know you are growing old when you:1. Get wierd aches and pains when you run
2. Start having allergies
3. Fall sick more frequently
4. Scars seem to take forever to heal
Just recovered from fever. It started off as an innocent headache. The accompanying muscle pain was dismissed as aches from back strengthening exercises the previous day. The doctor found nothing wrong with me -- no temperature, normal blood pressure, prescribed me something for the headache and I was free to go. I spent the whole day in bed. That was on Monday. Tuesday at work... things began to get worse, I felt worse. Headache, loss of appetite and nausea. By 5, I was shivering and very sure that I was falling ill. Back to my doctor... temperature of almost 39deg, i felt so awful. Wednesday was spent at home again. Mostly in bed. After all these non-strenuous activity, I began to feel somewhat weaker and weaker as if I was wasting away. I guess this is how, when one is old, feels weak? I've not felt this way for a long long time. 2 bedridden days and I feel my muscle disappearing. Thats fast huh? Take one such a long time to build up and maintain definition and simply 2 days to have it all disappear!
All I wanted to eat during these days was bread.
Amazingly though, I had to ability to finish over 300pages of "Escape from Paradise". It was an interesting read though at times, the author really did sound like a spoilt brat. Can't be help considering her affluent background. And it makes you think twice about being a "tai-tai". Many gals think that its great to be a "tai tai" Live off your husband credit cards, do nothing but shop and go for expensive luncheons etc... but one thing most don't realise is that living off someone's credit card is tantamount to living under someone's mercy. Having someone control your life through the card. In our materialistic society, one really cannot survive without money. Tai-tais have cards. No cash. This is one thing often overlooked. I suppose whenn one marries and becomes a tai-tai, there must have been a certain amount of love and trust involved. That this person will take care of you, be nice to you and love you. Its painful but true that love isn't forever. How many times have we come across cases of adultery and abuse? I must say though that there are of course nice hapy couples around. The world isn't as bleak as it seems sometimes.
Another insight gleaned from the book -- the way chinese/singaporeans work. The issue with money. At how money was such a touchy issue, it really reminded me of my own family though mine can never boast of that sort of riches. Still, the attitude is similar. How everyone seems to constantly think of it. Like really, I think money is the root of all problems in my family. We never had that much which is why it sounds all the more pathetic when problems arises over such small sums (ie. less than a peanut!!)! You can say I hate money. No, secretly i want lots of it. But I hate talk of it! I hate it when it becomes the sole source of motivation, i hate it when people become unscrupulous because of that. I hate it when money takes precendence over family ties(not that i am a big fan of family stuff), relationships and friendships. I hate it when it becomes the be all and the end all.
As I was lying in bed last night, I suddenly thought of something my brother once told me. He said that to me only once and i remember it. That was about 16 years ago. I was 8. He told me this "Your dad has left you, therefore you must learn to be independent. Do not expect others to do things for you. If there is something you don't know how to do, never say "I don't know" because even if you don't, you can always learn" Something like that.
Then, he taught me to wash my school shoes.
Till this day, I still hate saying "I don't know"
I very much prefer "I'm not sure".
posted by eline @ 5:31 PM
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