learning to love
About a year ago, Kenneth and I were having a discussion on love. He felt that sometimes, arranged marriage tend to last because the couple learned to love each other. While in today’s society, we talk about rights and freedom of choice, arranged marriagees is one of those things which I scorn. Simply because I’d always believe that everyone has a right to choose who they want to spend the rest of their life with. Is that too much to ask for? But is it better?
Yet, on retrospect, we also see that having the freedom to choose our mate does not guarantee a happy ending. Is it about tolerance that we lack? That we have grown up in a consumerism era, spoilt for choices, always striving for better newer things such that we do not know when to be happy with our mate? Just like we all go for newer, more technologically advance hand phones, bigger tvs, faster computer processing power, are we all also thinking of going for better mates?
Some people tell me that they are looking for “the one”. I think it’s a myth, really. What if there is no such thing as “the one”, and that you will only find “the one” when you learn to love and accept that person? Looking for “the one” is like some kind of misguided belief. People are always talking about it but does anyone find it?
We look for certain traits in our partners. Sometimes, we expect partners to come off the shelves packed with these certain traits that we want! That’s how finding the right mix of cereal works (banana nut crunch? Or blueberry?). People are acquired tastes. Just like oat and wheat (and anything healthy). We stumble upon them, and learn to love and acquire a taste for them.
I thought of this because just recently, through some incident, I realize that no matter how my sister can irritate me at times, I still love her. That’s the magic of sisterly love. She on the other hand is always complaining about my lack of planning and how she has to accommodate me when I spring “emergency” situations requiring her help. Yet, she still loves me. She has learned to love me other the years.
My nieces are no exception. Being only 4 years apart, I remembered how the elder child will always keep an eye on the younger one. Things that only sisters do. Such as sneaking into the kitchen late in the night for tuna and crackers, using the bathroom together (when they were younger of course), squabbling over toys etc. Now, it’s the “I find her irritating” phase. Yet, as much as they can bitch about each other, scream at each other, at the end of the day, ask any of them “do you love your sister?” Its always a “yes” no matter how sulky that can sound.
Maybe, its time that we stop being spoilt. Its time that we learn to love.
Falling in love has never had a reputation for making much sense. Dante glimpsed Beatrice a few times and wouldn't shut up about her for decades.
Why should not-falling-in-love be any more rational?
It comes down to the deterrent power of a Phil Collins CD in a woman's car. Or, a guy who habitually sticks his tongue out while eating, like a lapping dog. His girlfriend returns him to his cage, permanently.
Centuries from now, scientists may point to this as the moment in time when the pickiness gene became dominant. In the end, it will come down to one really old, lonely guy and his list.
"She must have blue eyes. She should like animals, but not in a weird way. No thin lips. No lawyers," he'll be writing, just before he keels over and the human race comes to an end. (more...)
posted by eline @ 1:15 PM
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