The idea that love leads to happiness is a modern invention
: aren't there times in life when u just feel so lonely, that you wished you had someone to turn to? To just perhaps, hug to be held?b: oh please! even when you are with someone u will sometimes feel this way too.
: ???
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Its conversation like these which i think somehow makes me feel really small. Anyway, I guess that is true. Sometimes i ponder the universal question of who are we and where do we come from and where do we go from here. what is consciousness. Is there a god/higher being? Are we just a random make up of of organic components in the cosmic soup. An accidental event in the entire history of the universe. If we do find LIFE out there, so what? Will that answer our questionS? Its like an orphan forever in search of his parents. Even if he were to find that they are dead.
I sidetracked. Back. So i think when u still feel lonely when u are with someone, does that mean that its the wrong person? I have given up thinking about "wrong|right" person. There is no such thing. Its all a matter of perception. Maybe i am wrong? haha this is getting a little confusing.
What do i want to do in life? Do some good in life and contribute to the ever increasing pool of information on pubmed? Or be entire self-centered and take off, travel to some inner mongolia territory in search of myself? I have had repetitive dreams in the past years. Its always in the same place, just different things happening. It has stone walls. Which seems to surround some sort of temple. Its huge. Off the temple grounds, there was this little curvy street of cobble stoned pavement. Looks like some quaint european thing. The train travels by the coast. -- i would like to find this place some day.
I fill my life with activities. I do all these things justified by the statement | I am only young once. I am only going to be in my 20s once. I must therefore do as much as I want because there will never come a time when I have youth, time, some money and no commitment/responsibilities. | on retrospect. sometimes i wonder if i am simply running away from the more pressing issues in life -- such as, where am i going? We live only once. Try not to make a trial-and-error thing. It has to be right. At least almost. I sound like some control freak who is afriad to make mistakes. Maybe. Its one life. Don't screw up! So dancing, takes up most of my weekends. It helps be making weekends fly by such that i never feel bored. I never have time to be lonely. to even feel anything. tired perhaps. it helps to make the life of being single go by more easily. Sometimes i feel happy the way i am, but then again, will i be happy like this for the rest of my life? I doubt so. Filling up time with so many activities is sometimes, i think , a pathetic excuse to fill up some void. Something intangible.
The idea that love leads to happiness is a modern invention, dating from the end of the seventeenth century. Ever since then, people have been taught to believe that love should last forever and that marriage is the best place in which to exercise that love. In the past, there was less optimism about the longevity of passion. Romeo and Juliet isn't a happy story; it's a tragedy. In the last few decades, expecations about marriage as the road to personal fulfilment have grown considerably; as have disappointment and dissatisfaction.
-- Paola Coelho, The zahir
Why do i sound like this? why am i thinking about such depressing thoughts. Why do i ponder over such questions which has no answers anyway? Why? And you know what? the answer to it all could be simply that I have a reduced level of a certain amino acid in the brain which is therefore making me brood this way.
total anti-climax
posted by eline @ 3:10 AM
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