thoughts after a long respite
yes, it has been quite some time since i last penned, or rather blogged my thoughts. I don't know, i didn't feel like writing because i guess, i refuse to face up to reality. its scares me, seriously. 2 years ago, i would have been excited at the thought of leaving. now, i wonder if its something i really want. if its the right thing to do. Its something i wanted for a very long time, and i ask myself, do i still want it?although i don really like the place where i am working at, i love my boss. She is absolutely wonderful. I love my work. i am getting good results. publishable stuff -- isn't that what every researcher wants? I get to travel for conferences too. i get access to journals (yes i am a total nerd).
i love my colleagues. we are more than colleagues, we have become friends. we hang out beyond office hours. we even go for trips together. we play tennis on mondays (or we used to). Sometimes we go out for drinks on fridays... we do evening runs too... we go to the gymn, we go shopping...
on weekends, i go for ballet. can't believe that i have been dancing for more than 2 years!
recently, i started windsurfing.
sometimes, i go to east coast park for roller blading.
i go on a dive trip at least once a year.
I am giving up all of these when i leave. It may not sound a lot. it may not even be significant to anyone who chance upon this post. But trust me, as pathetic as it may seem, this is my life now. although it is not perfect, i can be contented with it.
Perhaps its true that the older we get, the more resistant we are to changes. have i become that old?
i don't know. but in the remaining days here, i am packing up not just my belongings, but my life here as well. every day here is special, treasured. every friend i get to meet up with, means a lot to me.
i am getting cold feet. Its analogous to getting married. Although i am going away for only 5 years, this very act of committing feels like marriage to me. what if i don't like it? And what if i like it so much i never want to come back?
Friends i will leave behind, new friends i will make. i hate the thought of leaving my current friends. I hate it that the next time i meet them, an inexplicable gulf might have opened up between us. maybe due to my absence in their lives of vice versa. i detest it when people tell you something like lets keep in touch. Because, people rarely do. and invariably, we all drift apart. i hate that.
i just had this sudden urge to check up a friend's blog . We were close once, and as we moved on with our different career choices, its inevitable that we lose touch with each other. Yet, when i read his blog, it sounded just like him. the things he use to talk about, what he is most concern with, and well basically his thought process. it felt so real. and then all of a sudden, i missed those times long gone. we are all moving on. we have to, because no matter what happens, life still goes on. time waits for no one, and sometimes, this is so cruel. Time is our greatest lesson in life.
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so i just removed my other 2 wisdom teeth.
and currently, i am so in love with this song, i play it on repeat.
Bell X1 - Eve The Apple Of My Eye
You left it, I sent it
I want it back
You left it, I sent it
I want it back
If I had you here, I'd clip your wings
Snap you up and leave you sprawling on my pin
This plan of mine is oh so very lame
Can't you see the grass is greener where it rains
You left, I died,
I went and you cried
You came, I think
But I never really know
I've served my time
I've watched you climb
The wrong incline
But what do I know
Accept it, Don't let it
Turn the screw
Accept it, And let it
Scream back at you
Now this applies both equally to you and I
The only thing that we share
Is the same sky
These empty metaphors
They're all in vain
Like can't you see the grass is greener where it rains
You left, I died,
I went and you cried
You came, I think
But I never really know
I've served my time
I've watched you climb
The wrong incline
But what do I know
and right now, i am wearing DKNY's be delicious. I am thinking of getting Davidoff's latest. i like Kenzo's Amour because i have a crush on the bottle. Also Issey's new A drop on a petal has a sweet thing to it. Unlike Anna Sui's uber sweet. Issey's is more subtle. Although, my favorite of all time, and my first love, is L'Eau D'Issey.
posted by eline @ 12:59 AM
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