Daily Crumbs: September 2007

Friday, September 21, 2007

more of ucsc

Thursday, September 20, 2007

UCSC

West Entrance of UCSC.
(if u look closely at the grey strip under the trees, it say University of California)

Seriously, i think the place looks like a farm

Labels: photos

Saturday, September 15, 2007

shape

i believe that seconds after this picture was snapped, i hurled!

Labels: runs

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

therein lies the problem

g: me and her, we will not last beyond 6 months
K: but how do u know?
g: because we are just so different!
K: but you don't know for sure do u?
g: its just going to end badly

therein lies the problem. Its called expectations. Based on perhaps character, g thinks that a relationship will be meant to last. K thinks that he is just being presumptuous. I agree. In every relationship we get involve in, there is always a risk. At least for me, I never know if it will work out. I just have to sure of one thing, that is, I am willing to try. That i want to try. I have dated people who i thought will be right for me, but i was wrong. i have learned that when it comes to love and a lasting relationship and supposedly finding "the One" -- the formula is way too complex. Its not just about the other party, sometimes it has a lot to do with ourselves. My brother says some people think that they are unhappy because they are not attached. By thinking this way, they are expecting their future bf or gf to make them happy. However, when such expectations are not fulfilled, people wind up more miserable then before. The thing is, to first learn how to be happy alone. You can't bring your misery into a relationship and expect the other person to make it all disappear.

Labels: life, love

Sunday, September 09, 2007

why don runs take place in the night??

i had it all planned out. I laid out the clothes, packed a small bag with just the essentials, set 2 alarms on my cellphone (one to wake up 0545hr, the other to leave the house 0615), then i went to bed.

Imagine my shock when my mother woke me at almost 7am this morning! drats! apparently my alarm didn't go off. I washed, brushed, changed, had a digestive biscuit and was out of the house by 7.15. Got a cab, headed towards the Esplanade. Reached at 7.25. 5minutes to go before the start of the run. Argh, baggage deposit then to the starting line. And because i was so confused, apparently i placed myself right at the start of the race, ie, right at the starting line! I am not into being in the front because i am not that great a runner, i am not competitive, all i want is to finish it. But i couldn't get to the back, i was just stuck in the front. I actually got nervous. I mean i've never felt my heart palpitate like this before a run! I had to remind myself to start a little faster because i was having this ultra paranoid vision of getting trampled on. Horn started, line was dropped, and we ran. No one got trampled. I felt really stressed. And i've learned that it sucks being in the front because so many people will over take you in time and each time someone does that, its completely demoralizing!

The whole time, all i remembered was people going pass me. I felt like i was really trailing behind. The weather was cool, sun was not up, but the air was humid. My steps were heavy, i was slow. Like really slow. There are those days when running is such a joy and there is this little bounce in every step. Today, I felt like some grossly overweight person thumping on the tarmac. After the 3km mark, i stopped for 10 breaths and the number of people who overtook me during this very short break was enough to tell me that i really can't afford to stop. I am not a competitive person. But i do know where i stand when it comes to running. There is no way i want to trail behind that much for this run! I ran. The turning point is at the 5km mark and the fastest runners were like 2.5km in front of me. As they passed, it was quite cool that despite the exhaustion, people clapped and cheered for them. I don't know why but when it comes to running, once u do a turn to complete the other half of the run, it always seem easier. Its like the first 5km felt like forever but the last 5km always feel shorter.

At the 8km mark, i started to speed up a little. I started to overtake some runners who have slowed to a crawl/walk. About 500m more to go, i sprinted. Overtook a runner, and dashed all the way to the end. As the momentum of the sprint propelled me forward, i suddenly felt something coming up my throat. I puked. Yes i did. Just one mouthful, but it felt horrible. It was the partially digested digestive biscuit i had in the morning! Urgh... kind of embarrassing too, i felt like crap yet i didn't want to collapse. I hope that no one saw or worse, took a picture. I mean if someone did, its like one of those kodak moments. The runner sprints.... valiantly towards the finish line, and as she finishes... a projectile like effect came from her mouth... eww...

so, physiologically speaking, what happened was that since i was running so hard, most of the blood in my body is shunted to the muscles, depriving my stomach from proper digestion. I think. so i barfed.

Some time later, i went back to the finishing line to check on my puke pool (its more like huge spit than a pool). Its gone. Only a darkened spot, but the gooey biscuit was gone. Guess, it was ran over.

Labels: runs

Saturday, September 08, 2007

grass is always greener... (again)

another happily married couple. May they live happily ever after!

A friend just got married yesterday. And as usual, each time i attend someone's wedding, there is the "hmm... why am i not getting married? maybe i should".

Then today, a few of us met up for dinner with the newly weds. There is the usual talk of how they met and fell in love. and what they have learned, how to accommodate etc.
She says -- sometimes i really miss being single. When my time is really my time, and i can do whatever i want with it. Being married means that your time isn't really yours anymore.
She looks at me.
i look at her. a little startled.
i say -- well don't look at me, maybe thats why i am not married...
then, the right thing to say, i hope, which i did was... well if you were single, u will wish that its nice to have someone in your life. After all the grass is always greener on the other side.
Thats the best i could offer.

Its sweet when she talks about their love. And its always the -- i feel like i can be myself with him, he knows how to calm me down, we can spend the whole day together doing nothing and we don't get bored, i use to want everything, but now i can give up the entire forest just for him.
And i can feel that silent round of approval from the table. the unanimous 'oh they are so in love, so meant for each other' vibe.

it takes 2 hands to clap. and i have come to realize that it isn't just about liking someone. its more to do with the timing. When you like someone, the feeling has to be mutual during this window period of "liking". If love is requited after this window period, its as good as nothing.

Its hard enough to find someone to like. The odds are greater when it has to be mutual, within a given time frame.

The groom told me that i have set my standards too high. Hmm.. really? I am not aware of that, and i don't know if its something that can be changed.

on a completely different note, i just bought a few carebear towels!! very happy with them. I need only 1 but because i could not decide (friendship bear? luv-a-lot? white? pink? blue?), i bought a few instead. How typical!!

Labels: life, love

rampage

once in a while, i will go on a google rampage and read up on religion related stuff. Today is one of those days. here's what i found:

Catholic Church no longer swears by truth of the Bible
THE hierarchy of the Roman Catholic Church has published a teaching document instructing the faithful that some parts of the Bible are not actually true...
http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article574768.ece

wow.. this is old news. wonder if its for real, as in the internet source. Anyway. i didn't know of this. Its been years since i read the catholic news.

And there is this blog i frequent... and i found this post with a very nice discussion with a christian. I mean, he is actually quite cool, and polite and when he talks about christianity, you do respect him for his beliefs. First and foremost, he doesn't force his views down anyone's throat:

"I know that most Christians try to convince people of things, however I prefer to tell people my understanding of what Christianity is, what the Bible says, and what I have experienced and then let them hash it out for themselves. It is your life and I fully intend to let you live it. If God has seen fit to let you make up your mind for yourself, then I certainly will not interfere."

Maybe somewhere at the back of his mind he might just be thinking that we are doomed to burn in hell. kidding..
and then he says this later...

"To be completely honest with you, I would probably be agnostic or atheist if it were not for this experience. I find the Bible to be very difficult to understand and agree in places. I probably agree with you guys on more things than I agree with my fellow Christians on. Despite this, I cannot explain the things which have happened to me adequately without some sort of exterior involvement. It defies my logic but there it is."

http://www.daylightatheism.org/2007/04/the-bible-is-not-a-book-of-love.html

Anyway i recently had a christian friend who was trying to convince me of his beliefs. It became quite a heated discussion later on when i simply refuse to believe his stuff. I mean, seriously, the way he was presenting his stuff, totally archaic.
Matt would have been way more convincing!

Labels: religion

friends

friends are instrumental in our lives because they bear witness to what our life experience. There are those who have been with you throughout most of your lives. People who you have known for years and years. Then there are also those very brief encounters where 2 people can connect and become firm friends -- even if its for a few days or months. And such people come and go in life. I am usually glad to have met them, and then to let them go as we move on. Thats the norm.

Then, once in a blue moon, one of these friends, who you thought you will never meet again appears. And with them, the memories of when and where you met. Its brings back so much nostalgia. The shared past becomes a connection, nothing more than that, but still, its something that means so much to me. It makes me so happy. Honestly.

So a few years ago, that was just after i graduated, I went to Italy for a conference. Then, I was in the in-between-state of not being certain of what i want to do, and i had hoped back then that going to a conference could help. It was on retrospect, my first conference and i had a very good time there. The people i met etc. So many years later, i actually got an email from one of them. Wow...

Its strange to realize i enjoyed that conference so much more than then recent one i went to this year. Like the most recent conference i attended, i hated the flight there, i hated the lodgings, i hated the weather, i hated the shady people (some), i hate the way my institute handled the travel arrangements. i have so much to gripe about. I felt that i will never want to go for another conference.

Since i am leaving the current institute, here's to better conferences!!

btw, FACEBOOK rocks... hahhaha

Labels: friends, life, research

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